


Evasive Maneuvers

by Noelleian



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: 2X5X2 Day, Cliches Like Whoa, Duo Is A Slut Cliche, Fucking To Stay Warm Cliche, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Tropes, cliches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 13:25:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noelleian/pseuds/Noelleian
Summary: Duo and Wufei are stranded in the Arctic Circle, unsure if they’re going to survive the night. Fortunately for Wufei, Duo always has a plan. Unfortunately for Wufei, Duo’s plans tend to be rather perverse.





	Evasive Maneuvers

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hiiiiiiii! Okay, first off, my deepest apologies that I neither updated The Pact next, nor posted a 3x4. Eep! Sorry about that! The good news is, The Pact is next on my list (after that, A Pirate's Trade) so that will 100% without a doubt be updated next so no worries there. Also, this does have mentions of 3x4 in it so at least there's that. :3
> 
> So this is just a smutty oneshot because I haven't done 2x5 in a while so why not. I was overdue. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it! ^.^

“Jesus, it’s freezing!” **  
**

Wufei lethargically turned his head and watched his co-pilot shiver and pull his wool blanket tighter around his body. In the muted, gray light of perpetual dusk that occurred this time of year, he could see the plaid fabric was faded and pilled, not much protection against the frigid winds that occasionally blew into their flimsy shelter. “It’s January in the Arctic Circle, dumb ass. Of course it’s freezing.”  
  
Duo gave him a half-hearted glare. “I’m sure I could come up with a sufficient snapback if my brain wasn’t covered in frost at the moment.”  
  
“All’s the better,” Wufei replied, drawing his knees up to his chest and curling his arms inside the tight space to warm them with his body heat. “We can’t keep sitting here like this. If we don’t start moving, our chances of survival are slim to none.”  
  
“They’re already slim to none, dude. But we’re stuck here because they’re scouting for us and if we so much as take a few steps, they’ll pick us up on radar.”  
  
“I would much rather be shot down than die of hypothermia. At least we’ll go out like men.”  
  
“ _Or_...we keep as warm as possible and wait them out. If it gets too bad, we’ll start moving, but I’d rather buy some time and risk it if it keeps my ass alive a little while longer.” Duo pulled his legs up and crossed them at the ankles. The snow that swirled in from the blizzard outside clung to the loose strands of hair that had unraveled from his braid and his normally sparkling blue eyes were dull with the gravity of their circumstances.  
  
Wufei let out a long sigh and tipped his head back until it thudded against the hollow wall behind him. “Nataku, what I wouldn’t give for a long, hot shower.”  
  
“Mmm…” Duo hummed, closing his eyes. “Yeah. And a nice, hot meal.”  
  
“What would be your perfect meal right now?”  
  
“Oh, let’s see...something warm that sticks to your ribs. Comfort food, like pot roast and potato mash. Or maybe a chicken pot pie with that buttery crust that Quat makes, with Tro’s signature gravy.”  
  
“That does sound good,” Wufei agreed, so hungry he could practically taste it. “Sweet potato mash, though.”  
  
“Yeah!” Duo’s eyes opened wide and he flashed his teeth in a brief grin. “Sweet potato mash with cinnamon, nutmeg, and marshmallows.”  
  
“Ugh,” Wufei’s face turned down in revulsion. “I was with you until you mentioned marshmallows.” He dug the toe of his boot into the dusty grime that covered the bare, wooden floor boards. “Hell, just a hot cup of tea would be wonderful right about now.”  
  
“I hear ya, bro. Be nice if we could at least light a fire.”  
  
“It would be, but we can’t.”  
  
“I know. Jus’ sayin’.” Duo shifted on his bottom, his face twisting in discomfort. “Man, my ass is killin’ me.”  
  
“Lay on your side for a bit.”  
  
“I’m afraid if I do that, I’ll fall asleep and never wake up.”  
  
“We should do something to keep our minds off of this. Might make it a little more bearable.”  
  
“I got a deck of cards in my pack. Euchre? Best two out of three?”  
  
“It’s too dark for cards,” Wufei told him, peeking out through the slot of their shelter. The sky beyond was dark, but lightly tinged with deep blue and faint purple hues with waves of green flitting erratically across the twilight canvas. “It really is beautiful up here,” he said. “The Northern Lights are the best I’ve ever seen. The sky is so clear, it’s almost like there’s no atmosphere.”  
  
“There ain’t much of one up here,” Duo said. “That’s why. Plus, no one is crazy enough to live here so there’s no pollution to fuck up the view.”  
  
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind living up here. It’s so peaceful.”  
  
Duo snorted. “Yeah, those ninety mile an hour winds are really soothing.”  
  
Wufei pulled away from the slot and crouched back down. “I didn’t mean the blizzard. I could do without those.”  
  
“Those are par for the course up here, buddy.” Duo suddenly let out an agonized groan and gripped his hair in both hands. “This _sucks!_ I can't even feel my damned legs anymore, man!”  
  
“What year is it?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m making sure you don’t have hypothermia. What year is it?”  
  
“It’s 199. AC 199.”  
  
“Good.”

“Shouldn’t I ask you something?”

“I had enough wherewithal to ask you a question so I think I’m fine.”

“You sound fine.”

“I am. Cold, but fine.”

They were quiet for several minutes, listening to the wind and the creaking and shifting of the shelter. It was an old, rickety hunting blind used by locals and sportsmen alike to snare elk, moose, and probably a few bears, Wufei was sure. He was surprised it had lasted this long. He would have thought being battered by winds like this on a regular basis would have made tinder out of it by now.

Though it was low to the ground which might have been why it managed to endure the elements for so long. Lucky for them. Without it, they’d be frozen dead already. However, now that he thought about it, it may have been prolonging their inevitable demise.

“I hope when I die, it’ll be quick,” he whispered as the winds lulled a bit. When he didn’t receive a reply, his body stiffened with panic. “Maxwell? _Maxwell!_ ”

“Huh - wha? Whazzit?” Duo lifted a hand to rub at his eyes and Wufei blew out a breath of relief. “Sorry, Fei. Guess I dozed off.”

“Don’t fall asleep, Maxwell, unless you’re planning on meeting your maker.” He shifted around and tucked his legs beneath him. “I know I’ve threatened to kill you in various ways before, but I would much rather you didn’t die on me.”

“Aw, Fei. I didn’t know you cared.”

“Hmph. If only until we get out of this.”

Duo grinned. “Same ol’ Fei. Is it really so hard to admit you have a heart?”

“Of course I have a heart! And so do you and I’d like to keep them both beating for as long as possible if it’s not too much trouble.”

“There is one way to keep our blood pumpin'.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Let’s fuck.”

Wufei blinked, though whether in shock, or from the snowflake that landed on his lashes, he wasn’t certain. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

“Fuck? Y'know? As in sex? The horizontal mambo? The fricky-fracky? The -”

“Yeah, I know what ‘fuck’ means, Maxwell. I just can’t believe you propositioned me for sex." Then again, this _was_ Duo. "Actually, I take that back. I can believe it.”

“Well, what better way to get the blood flowin’ and the hearts pumpin’? You said we needed to move. This thing ain’t tall enough to do jumping jacks in and I certainly can’t think of a more fun way to get warm.”

Wufei stared at him, his jaw hanging low on its hinges. “You’re actually serious, aren’t you?”

Duo threw up his hands. “I don’t know why you’re acting so scandalized. It’s just sex! Everyone does it. I’m sure you’ve...wait. _Have_ you done it before?”

He looked away, uncomfortable with where this discussion was going. “Not - not exactly.”

“But...you were married before, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but...we didn’t - I mean, we hadn’t done... _that_...yet. She died before we could.”

“Man, that’s a bummer, Fei.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to. It’s just...I wanted a son and she didn’t...I mean, she didn’t want a child yet. She thought we were too young and she said she didn’t want to bring a child into a world with war.”

“Well, can’t blame the girl for that.”

“No, I suppose not. I was...different...than I am now, I guess. I don’t see the world the same way I used to.”

“War will do that to you, buddy. I don’t think any of us do. War changes you.”

“Yeah,” he bit down on his lip and fidgeted with his gloves. “Anyway, to answer your question, no I haven’t done that yet.”

“Now’s as good a time as any to make a man out of ya,” Duo told him with a saucy wink.

“Do you have to say it like that?”

“Sorry. I know you’re already a man. It’s just a figure of speech. How about...‘pop your cherry’?”

Wufei scowled and turned to face the opposite wall. “Just forget it. I’d rather freeze to death.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Fei. C’mon. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

Duo scoffed and stuck his nose into the air. “I’ll have you know that I’ve never had a partner walk away unsatisfied.”

“So you have references then? I’ll need to get in touch with them to confirm this.”

“Jesus Christ, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning?”

“Life did.”

“Well, there’s no better way to give ‘life’ the middle finger than to not only survive this bump in the road, but to have fun doing it.”

“So who have you satisfied so much that they’re willing to sing your praises?”

Duo stared up at the ceiling and tapped his chin with a gloved finger. “Hmmm...let’s see. Hilde Schbeiker...this girl named Terri that you’ve never met. Another dude named Raphael. Ah, who else? Brenda, Brendan, I think there was a Cassandra in there -”

“Christ, Maxwell. Is there anyone you _haven’t_ banged?”

“Julia, Marcus...oh, and Quat -”

“Wait, what?” Wufei’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “You had sex with Winner?”

“Yeah.”

“...And Barton hasn’t murdered you?”

Duo waved his hand. “Eh, it was before they got together. Um...oh, Heero, too.”

“Maxwell, you’re only nineteen for God’s sake! How have you had so many partners?”

“You might say I’m a bit of a fiend.”

“I _might_ say?”

“Anyway,” Duo said with great emphasis and a dark look. “That just means I’ve had more practice so I know what I’m doing. And I’ve had all the vaccines so...no diseases.”

“I wouldn’t think so, otherwise they never would have let you pilot a Gundam.”

“True. Gotta be healthy as a horse to run this outfit. So…?”

Wufei’s heart quickened as Duo tipped forward and slowly crawled towards him. “You know, I haven’t exactly said ‘yes’ yet. You know that, right?”

Duo’s teeth gleamed in the murky light. “Key word: ‘Yet’.”

“Do you just jump on everyone at every opportunity?”

Duo was now only a few inches away and Wufei could feel the warmth of his breath, welcome in this frigid chill. “No. Only those who tickle my fancy.”

“So you’re saying I ‘tickle your fancy’.”

“Feel how hard my dick is and you’ll have your answer.”

“I can’t believe I’m seriously considering this. I must be out of my mind! In what uni -”

“Fei?”

“What?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Duo whispered against his mouth and pressed forward, sealing their tentative agreement with a hot kiss that effectively wiped Wufei’s mind clean like a rag on a white board. His own dick throbbed and began to swell, pushing against the fabric of his trousers.

But there were still a few unanswered questions. “Wait,” he gasped, pulling his face away. Duo didn’t miss a beat, ducking his head down to mouth kisses over his jaw and neck. “How - how are we doing this?”

Duo husked a breathy laugh against his damp skin. “I know you’re a virgin and all, but I’m pretty sure even you know that tab A goes into slot B.”

Wufei rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know that. My question is, _whose_ ‘tab’ is going into whose ‘slot’?”

Duo rose up for just a moment and said, “Maybe this will answer your question.” He shoved hard against Wufei’s chest, toppling him over onto his back and then crawled over his prone body, lowering himself until they lay chest to chest. Duo ground their clothed cocks together and growled at the sweet rush of stimulation. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, baby.”

Wufei’s eyes crossed beneath fluttering lids and without even realizing what he was doing, his legs were parting and lifting up to wrap around the other man’s waist. He’d never been fucked in his life, had never even considered it. The only thoughts of sex he’d ever had was bedding Merian in the hopes for a son. He’d never been a sexual person as far as he was concerned, so why did he want nothing more than to get the dickens fucked out of him in this snow-covered hunting blind?

“I - _ah!_ I want that.”

Duo’s seductive aura faded for a moment, genuinely surprised by the confession. “You do? I mean, uh...of course you do, baby. And I’m gonna give it to ya real good. Here…” He parted the folds of Wufei’s coat and fumbled for the laces holding his trousers up. With a few yanks, they were untied and Duo was sliding them down his hips. “We’ll have to do this with as much clothes as possible, unfortunately. I prefer buck nekkid, but we’re not exactly in the best place for that.”

“I don’t care,” Wufei murmured, more aroused by the concept of half-clothed sex than he thought possible. He wanted to feel the rough scratch of Duo’s jeans chafing against the tender skin of his inner thighs, turned on by the idea that Duo would be more clothed than he.

_Christ, I’m just as perverted as Maxwell. Maybe even more so._

He jumped, startled when a cold hand snaked between his legs and he bit down on his lip as a finger, chilled at the tip and wet with saliva, pressed through his virgin opening.

“Just relax, baby. The more you relax, the more you’ll enjoy it.”

He took a deep breath and forced his muscles to go lax with the help of a meditation exercise designed to relieve stress. _Breathe in...one, two, three...and breathe out. Imagine your body is a placid lake during sunrise...The birds are beginning to sing. It’s quiet, peaceful and there’s no one there but - holy shit!_

“Holy _shit!_ ” His back arched, tight like a bow string pulled taut, and he howled into the icy air as a jolt of wicked pleasure shot up the length of his spine, quicker than lightning. “Oh, _fuck!_ ”

“Found it.”

“Do it again,” he ordered and then groaned long and low, so immersed in how good it felt, he completely forgot he was halfway to freezing to death. “Oh - oh god! So good.” His fingers tangled into Duo’s braid as the other man leaned down and kissed his trembling belly. “Suck me.”

Duo’s laugh tickled his stomach. “You didn’t say the magic word.”

“Goddamn it, Maxwell! Please, alright? Just fucking suck - oh fuck!”

Duo took him down deep until his nose was nestled into the wiry hairs at the top of his groin. Wufei nearly lost it when he lifted his head, the cold air against his wet cock so erotic he could barely stand it.

“Don’t you come yet.”

“Fuck, but I want to.”

“You’ll enjoy coming even more while I’m fucking you.”

“Then do it!”

“You sure you’re ready?”

Fucking hell, he’d never been more ready for anything in his life and how pathetic was that? “Yeah - yeah, I’m ready.”

He watched with bleary eyes as Duo pulled his fly down and slicked up his cock. It was larger than he’d expected, curved slightly to the right, and Wufei was surprised to discover he wasn’t the least bit nervous. Duo had said he knew what he was doing and if he was telling the truth, his partners had no complaints.

_I can’t believe I’m about to get fucked by Maxwell, of all people. Maybe this is all a figment of my imagination. Delusions brought on by hypothermia. In reality, we’re both dying and this is what my brain decides to do in my final moments? What does that say about me? That I would - whoa! Okay, this is definitely not a delusion._

“Ah, fuck!” He thumped his head against the floor as the stretch of penetration sparked white-hot fire around his opening. "Fuck, it hurts!"

“Breathe, baby. It’s halfway in already. Just a few more inches…”

He flailed, forgetting to relax. Instinct forced his arms to move and try to push Duo off, but the other man grabbed them and pinned them to the floor on either side of his head. He whispered the most tender words of reassurance and praise which finally began to filter in through the hazy agony that was his current state of mind.

“It’s okay, baby. Almost there. You’re doing great, just relax.”

He sucked in deep lungfuls of air, slightly warmer now than it had been before they’d started, and he managed to ride out the last few inches by regulating his breathing.

Once Duo was all the way in, he lowered himself down until his chest was resting on top of Wufei’s and he mouthed warm, wet kisses into the hollow of his throat. “Mmm...you feel so good, baby.”

The sharp pain was beginning to fade into a more tolerable burn. His legs twitched on either side of Duo’s hips, trembling with adrenaline. “Not - not so sure about you yet.”

Duo chuckled and lifted his head up to look at him. “Oh, you will be. Just give it a minute. Let me know when you’re ready and I promise you, I’ll rock your world.”

He reached behind Duo’s head and clutched the braid that lay against his back, pulling his head down for a kiss. His mouth opened, inviting Duo inside and the hot, slick slide of tongues made his groin pulse with desire.

Deep inside, there was a strange sensation. Like an itch in desperate need of a scratch. In desperate need for Duo to alleviate it. He rocked his hips, just a little, but the movement caused his opening to squeeze around Duo’s cock, encouraged when the other man let out a hiss.

“Shit, baby. You’re so tight.”

“Fuck me.”

“I got ya. No worries.”

Duo pushed himself up onto his hands and began a slow retreat. Wufei used the reprieve to grab the backs of his thighs and pull his legs closer to his chest. The vulnerability of being exposed like this fed the beast inside him, awakening a whole new side of him he’d never known was there. One that craved the dominance that only another man could provide. One that craved the sins of the flesh in ways that would make any fundamentalist’s head explode.

As Duo rocked him across the dirty floor, his eyes fluttered closed and he voiced his pleasure, high and keening, blending with the winds outside. For a few brief moments, he felt at one with them, almost as if they were echoing the blissful sensations he was experiencing.

He was hopelessly lost to it and when Duo leaned down, which changed the angle of his cock, he shouted his approval within the muggy confines of the shelter, his limbs closing around the other man like a sprung trap.

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby.”

The words, huskily whispered against his ear went right to his cock, taking the intensity up several notches until he was coasting the waves of climax, so close now. “Uhn...feel so good inside me,” he slurred, giddy with triumph when his own words affected Duo just as much.

“Keep talkin’ like that and you’re gonna make me come.”

“Ah, not - not until I do, buster.”

Duo sat up and grabbed him by the legs, holding them up and open, and stared down at the dark place where their bodies were joined. “Look so hot like this. I could never get tired of fucking you.”

Wufei bleated in complete agreement and laced his fingers with Duo’s where they were gripped into his flesh hard enough to leave bruises.

“Touch yourself, baby. I wanna watch you come all over yourself.”

He reached a trembling hand down and grasped his cock, mewling from the added stimulation, nearly unbearable now and so close to his pinnacle. It took only a few tugs on the throbbing flesh and then he was stiffening, body tensed as maddening pleasure seized him. His cock pulsed in his hand, hot seed splashing onto his twitching belly.

“Fuck yeah, baby. You’re so beautiful when you come. But now it’s my turn.”

Wufei barely had the cognitive function to interpret what that meant before Duo slammed into him so hard, stars crossed in front of his eyes. He registered the cold against his socked feet which were sticking up in the air, but the rest of his body was covered in sweat and from the drips that landed on his face, he knew Duo was also sweating profusely.

If he was beautiful when he came, Duo was magnificent. His brow was creased in that telltale sign of exquisite pleasure-pain and his mouth fell open in bliss. He groaned his pleasure in his sexy baritone, shouting to the heavens as he released his orgasm within the confines of Wufei’s body.

Wufei endured the dead weight that dropped on top of him, too satiated to complain, or push the other man off. He brushed damp tendrils of hair away from Duo’s sticky neck and hummed with contentment. “I have to admit, that was a genius idea, Maxwell.”

Duo lifted his head up and grinned. “Yeah?” He nodded and then stretched with a rumbly groan. “Yeah, I have my moments, don’t I?”

He chuckled. “Who knew your perversion would save the day?”

“Never underestimate the power of perversion, my friend. ‘Sides, that was pretty vanilla, relatively speaking.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I fucked Quat over the back of a camel. And yeah, it's as tricky as it sounds.”

“Christ, Maxwell!”

“What? It was better than getting sand stuck in places sand should never go.”

“You couldn’t have waited until -” He paused, remembering where he was, what they’d just done, and the fact that he was still sprawled half naked across a filthy floor in a hunting shelter. “Never mind.”

“I still wonder what the camel must have thought. He never looked at me the same way after that.”

Wufei lost it, tipping his head back and letting out a loud bark of laughter. “Jesus. That poor camel was probably traumatized.”

“Come to think of it, Tro hasn’t looked at me the same way after he found out what me and Quat did. Like he thinks I betrayed some sacred brotherhood vow.”

Wufei snorted. “And what vow would that be? Thou Shall Never Bone a Bro’s Beau?”

Duo rolled off of him and onto his side with a reedy cackle, holding his belly as he shook with mirth. “Holy shit, man! That was brilliant. I’m gonna have to steal that from you sometime.”

Wufei wiped tears from his eyes and tried to catch his breath. He hadn’t laughed like that in God knew how long. “What time is it?”

“About six thirty in the morning.”

They bolted upright, scrambling around for their weapons which were tangled in with the mess of clothes and packs strewn around carelessly. Wufei’s eyes narrowed, making out the familiar face in the darkness. “Yuy?”

“The one and only.”

Duo whooped as he zipped up his fly. “Goddamn, man. It is so good to see your face. ‘Bout time you got your ass here.”

“I was in Tokyo when I got your SOS. Took me a while to get here. What the hell are you doing all the way in northern Canada anyway? Your destination was Australia.”

“Yeah well, Ozzies intercepted us. We were on route to pick up our Gundams and they shot us down. They’ve been searching for us so we took refuge in here.”

“Keeping warm as well, I see.”

Wufei blushed to the tops of his ears and covered his naked groin with his discarded trousers. “We were just - we just - it was cold and -”

“Relax, Wufei. I’m familiar with Duo’s seductive prowess,” Heero reassured him, giving Duo a mock glare when he puffed his chest out with pride.

“What can I say? I give out more rides than an amusement park.”

“I’m not sure that’s something you should be bragging about.”

Duo’s smile was nothing less than sinister. “And yet, still no complaint from either of you.”


End file.
